| and with this i end this journal for this is not me anymore. |
[20 Sep 2005|01:56am] |
"The falling leaves
Drift by the window
The autumn leaves
Of red and gold
I see your lips
The summer kisses
The sunburned hands
I used to hold
Since you went away
The days grow long
And soon I'll hear
Old winter's song
But I miss you most of all
My darling
When autumn leaves
Start to fall"
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(4 kisses | kiss me
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| fuck. |
[15 Sep 2005|11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
Helped Jordan paint yesterday...i love painting...the smell is the best <3 We were supposed to help him again today but slept in and bagh! blah blah blah.
I slept on my neck funny last night and i hurt. now i'm whining and will instead talk about things i love and things that make me happy.
Walking back from Tanya's tonight i got my first satisfying whiff of Autumn. I felt in bliss while smoking my cigarette and staring blankly at South Eugene High School. I started thinking about the pavement and how wonderful it will be as more leaves start to fall soon. hah. wow. i can't wait.
I miss seeing the boys. we still see Brendan and Jordan but have been lacking JP and of course Dave. I'm nervous about Mike coming back next week (not really sure why) and then Andrew who i haven't met yet. kldsfjsldkfjsalkfjslk;fj Anxiety or something stupid.
Depression. I can't wait for school to start again. i need something to keep my brain occupied. I need cigarettes outside of LCC ...nothing so satisfying as that.
Still looking for a job... so if anyonje knows of any...well, you know the drill.
I love and miss you guys.
Kate
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(8 kisses | kiss me
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| WOE IS ME! |
[06 Sep 2005|10:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Velvet Underground- Pale Blue Eyes |
] |
I've been sort of neglecting my medication as of late *cough cough* the last three months. Things went fine over the summer but as i feel the fall return (although it's my very favorite season), I feel my anxiety and depression return also. *huge sigh*
So it comes again... sleepless zoloft nights with my sleeping pills packed away somewhere; the tossing and turning becoming unbearable, the constant aches of my stomach intensified by the cigarettes i can't seem to put down. And i sigh again, knowing the effects won't last long but will be a bother until they fade. My own fault and i take full responsibility. heh. maybe it would have been better to be responsible and keep taking the damn pills in the first place. no worries though...I'm a tough girl.
Today is a special day though, Tanya returns from the State Fair; oh how i miss her positive presence! How wonderful it will be to have her back!
Today also has a down side...Jp has his ankle surgery this afternoon then leaves to Colorado for the last couple weeks until school starts. Woe is me! What shall we do without this boy? No matter though, for the boys have neglected us anyway. Still, I wish his ankle well and to him a full recovery and wonderful time with his family in Colorado.
I'll keep you updated. I know you just can't get enough of my action packed life.
a beautiful sunny day to you all (PRAY FOR RAIN!!),
Kate Elizabeth Jones
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(1 kiss | kiss me
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| YOUR NAME |
[29 Aug 2005|05:06pm] |
1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
3. I'll tell you what flavor of ice cream you would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.
7. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
8. Put this in your journal
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(19 kisses | kiss me
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|
[29 Aug 2005|04:27pm] |
It rained today... i thought that the clouds were just teasing me again. but they pulled through. thank you clouds, you're beautiful. House sitting for Tanya until next tues...yup.
that's about it really. lame. OH kimmy busted her knee on her birthday... so we've had the pleasure of seeing her more often, even if we do just sit around.
<3 Kate
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(3 kisses | kiss me
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|
[16 Aug 2005|08:55am] |
Leaving to San Francisco in 35 min. EEK.
lol
mumble mumble San Francisco.
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(7 kisses | kiss me
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| no lj cut LOSERS |
[15 Aug 2005|03:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jess talking. her voice is like music to my ears |
] |
BOLD WHATS TRUE:
I am bisexual or homosexual.
I've consumed alcohol.
I've run away from home.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I don't like Bush
I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
I am for Bush.
I listen to political music.
I collect comic books.
I am shorter than 5'5.
I think I'm ugly.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I open up to others easily.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 Player.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on e-bay.
I love Disney Movies.
I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
I don't kill bugs.
I curse regularly.
I paid for that cell phone ring.
I am a sports fanatic.
I have "x"s in my screen name.
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I own something from Abercrombie.
I have a job.hardly
I love Martha Stewart.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am self conscious.
I like to laugh.
I smoke a pack a day.
I Liked Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I Liked Go Ask Alice.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I eat fast food weekly.
I have many scars.
I believe in ghosts.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. And I know about it.
I am really ticklish.
I see a therapist.
I take anti-depressants.
I love white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I am comfortable with being me. depends on who i'm around
I play video games.
I'm single.
I'm in a relationship.
I'm married.
Gotten lost in your city.
Saw a shooting star.
Wished on a shooting star.
Saw a meteor shower.
I had a serious surgery.
Gone out in public in your pajamas.
I have kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger.
Been in a fist fight.
Have not Been arrested.
Laughed and had milk or another drink come out of your nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents.
Kicked a guy where it hurts. didn't mean to
Been close to love.
Been to a casino.
Been skydiving.
Broken a bone.
Skipped school.
Saw a therapist.
Played spin the bottle.
Gotten stitches.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
Bitten someone.
Been to Niagara Falls.
Gotten the chicken pox.
Kissed a member of the same sex.
Crashed into a friend's car.
Been to Japan.
Ridden in a taxi.
Shoplifted.
Been fired.
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
Stole something from your job.
Gone on a blind date.
Had a crush on a teacher.
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
Been to Europe.
Slept with a co-worker.
Been married.
Gotten divorced.
Had children.
Been to Africa.
Driven over 400 miles in one day.
Been to Canada.
Been to Mexico.
Been on a plane.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten Sushi.
Been snowboarding.
Been Skiing.
Met someone in person from the internet.
Been to a moto cross show.
Lost a child.
Gone to college.
Graduated college.
Done hard drugs.
Had someone cheat on you.
Miss someone right now.
Taken painkillers when you didn't need them.
Smoked weed.
Snorted cocaine.
Ate shrooms.
Inhailed Nitrous.
Cheated in a relationship.
Woke up crying.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Peed from laughing.
Had sex.
Had sex in a car.
Had sex in public.
Had sex in the shower.
Had sex in a sibling's bed.
Had sex in a parent's bed.
Read the answers of the person who sent this to you.
My answers are totally honest
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(4 kisses | kiss me
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| well i do enjoy witty people |
[15 Aug 2005|03:07pm] |
the Wit
(61% dark, 19% spontaneous, 15% vulgar) |
your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK
You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.
I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.
Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais
AND FINALLY -- after you rate my test with a sweet, sweet '5' -- you must take this test next: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Test. It's not mine, but it rocks.
|
 |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 89% on dark |
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You scored higher than 0% on spontaneous |
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You scored higher than 5% on vulgar |
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(1 kiss | kiss me
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| DO IT! |
[26 Jul 2005|03:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my mom laying someone off |
] |
FILL IT OUT
1. Give me your number?
2. Have sex with me?
3. Let me kiss you?
4. Watch a movie with me...even a really horribly morbid one?
5. Let me take you out to dinner?
6. Drive me somewhere/anywhere?
7. Take a shower with me?
8. Be my bf/gf?
9. Have a fling with me?
10. Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
11. Buy me a drink if i didnt have money?
12. Take me home for the night?
13. Would you let me sleep in your bed?
14. Sing car karaoke with me?
15. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
16. Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
17. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
18. Do you think im cute, sexy, or hot?
19. Do you like my style?
20. Do you think im funny?
21. Do you care about me?
22. Would you cry if i died?
23. Would you stop me if i tried to commit suicide?
24. Would you dance with me?
25. Would you sing happy birthday to me?
26. Would you hold my hair back at a party as im throwing up due to intoxication?
27. Would you help me go to the bathroom if i was incapacitated?
28. Bail me out of jail?
29. Work for me for free?
30. If you had one wish for me to grant you what would it be?
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(7 kisses | kiss me
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|
[26 Jul 2005|02:03pm] |
My mom woke me up this morning.
those pills really knock me out.
i couldn't get up...i was confused and made her repeat everything she was saying to me at least two times...then i fell back asleep. I was dreaming that i had woken up and was getting ready. when i finally woke up i realized it was 11:30 and i was supposed to be at work at 8. HAH.
oh man. i am failing life.
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(13 kisses | kiss me
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| To be a hermit |
[25 Jul 2005|02:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hermit like |
] |
her·mit
n.
A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse.
I've felt it coming back for a while now... a few weeks ago i got a little taste of it again... every few days since i've been feeling it grow stronger. Is it bad to miss it? Depression, i mean? It's never gone away fully but as i feel it start to crawl back i can't help but want to keep it forever inside me. CUT CUT CUT? god, i always hated that. I feel myself pulling away fom people again. As i sit at the boys' house i find that I'm slowing isolating myself away from them. They don't know me and as the depression seeps its way back in me my trust grows weaker and weaker.
I find myself wanting to be at home all the time. my room. music. books. journals. collages.
I'm going home tonight to figure things out.
boys are stupid and i hate them.
hahaha how silly to have boy troubles without a boy to trouble over.
silly kate.
silly silly kate jones.
I have to go.
mom's offering me a ride home at three.
I wanted to see Kim tonight... and i hear Tanya needs help cleaning but my mind is in no state for either.
i need to get my act together. re motivate myself.
job.
financial aid.
pay off last term's fees for school.
clean.
think.
oh god i can't stop thinking about him.
fuck you.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
<3 Kate fucking Jones
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(13 kisses | kiss me
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| MAKE IT RAIN. I'm having a bad day :( |
[21 Jul 2005|03:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
silence |
] |
my mind is all dsakjdhakljdnxxcjdsflsaam,.n i don't know.
I'm confused. depressed. anxious. worried. unable to sleep at night.
The clouds look so fucking promising right now. The heat is hell. maybe some thunder. it looks dark outside...STORM?!?!?! please??? RAIN?!?! PLEASE?!?!?
if you bring mee rain... i will bring you so much love. more than you could imagine. maybe even SEX. I will trade you sex for rain... oh man and i don't even have the sex... that must mean something.
okay, i have to get back to grading. do a rain spell please?
need some help..? i found these real quick on the web... maybe they'll help you...
Do this outsides staring at clouds above: "Ancient Gods and Goddesses, I invoke thee. Waters from the sky, Let it be."
"I command thee now, to thee all. Listen to my desire, Rain fall!"
This spell has power over the weather and works when it is needed. It makes it rain. (of course!)
Rain Spell... 2
Simply Take a bowl full of water and if you have 2 people sit across from each other... if it is just you then just put it in front of you. Make sure you make your circle then chant over the bowl of water "Water Nymphs strike the clouds so rain will fall freely to the ground" while doing that visualize clouds bursting open and water falling down over the area you wish for rain.
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(11 kisses | kiss me
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| And night fell... |
[19 Jul 2005|03:26am] |
My body is drained of every drop of emotion or energy it once contained. The nights become shorter along with my breath; killed by cigarettes and bottles of beer. I'm waiting for the day he comes back. It's getting closer but i don't think i care anymore. It's a shame not to care for anyone. Not to care for someone you never really knew.
I don't cry anymore. It's been so long and there's nothing to cry for. No one to cry over. No real reason to care.
The days are too hot this last week. I hate being dirty and sweat makes me feel like filth. Showers come less now that i'm not living at home. I'm not sure how not to shower four times a day...I just don't like the idea of it.
Fall is approaching and i'm not sure i can handle all the change it brings. so many people are leaving. so many new people to meet.
We went to play pool with Kim today... well, i don't play pool but i watched. fun. i feel bad that jimmy wouldn't let her sleep. we saw him leaving her house at like 1 and hid... she has to get up early for an interview tomorrow... poor girl.
alright... i'm gonna change the laundry then hit the hay. WTF is jessica's brother doing up at this hour?
<3 Kate Jones
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(13 kisses | kiss me
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| kate time. |
[13 Jul 2005|03:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the silence of the U of O library |
] |
I decided to take a night for myself last night.
music.
books.
journaling.
collaging.
I felt depressed... yet so peaceful and blissed out.
I was confused...but realized confusion never helps.
I couldn't sleep last night but remembered my meds. I took them around 3 and slept better than I have since my NyQuil days. Dreamed better than I have in years.
Woke up dazed. foggy. mellow. confused. happy.
Now i'm at work dazed. foggy. mellow. confused. happy.
My mom's friend Phil is in the hospital. He's and alcoholic and decided he needed to get treatment. He started a couple days ago. But the lack of alcohol was too much shock for his body. He had a seizure and is now in a coma. We just dropped off flowers for him at the hospital. get well soon Phil.
it scares me.
It also makes me think of my Grandpa, who quit smoking and the stress on his body was too much. He died of a heart attack.
*sighs* smoke break?
<3 Kate
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(1 kiss | kiss me
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| Cedars, jobs and cool girls |
[12 Jul 2005|04:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
So we put off london and are going to try to move into the Cedars with Kim asap.
still need a job though.
I need to slow down my life style, says my mother again. my body is dying. She may be right but it's so hard when you get all caught up in it.
These people we've been hanging out with are awesome. I feel like we're there too much though. intruding and such. So we'll probably stop bugging them as much.
I love meeting girls,like Kim, that are so awesome... I have a lot of negative feeling towards females in general; every so often though you come across ones that make you feel dumb for generalizing like that.
well, off to job search.
<3 Kate
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(11 kisses | kiss me
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| I just came across this entry from febuary and it made me laugh... but you probably don't care |
[11 Jul 2005|11:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ROFL |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
"Jessica thinks im so lame. lol the boy who hates me is sitting beind her. I LOVE YOU JESSICA. rawr.
jessica just told me that my entry from last night is insane and started talking about my rat in the freezer and then laughed X20. psh.it's not funny. my poor baby is dead and has been for 6 months and he jst sits in the freezr next to my ice cream. don't worry... he's in a box. a tire tube box. he's fat. that's why he died. and elwood is getting fat now also.
so befoe Elwood dies i would like to write him a poem:
ODE TO ELWOOD
Elwood you are getting fat,
Just like Jet who's in the freezer,
maybe if you don't steal all the food,
and Just eat what's in your feeder.
You're always jealous of precious Harold,
you wish you were just like him,
But i love you just the way you are,
So, there is no need to fight him.
You remind me of a tiny dog
who always wants attention,
i wish you would stop licking me,
before i stomp your face in.
ELWOOD, I love you <3 <3"
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(4 kisses | kiss me
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| *sighs* |
[11 Jul 2005|10:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tyler Jacobs- Grey |
] |
i started packing all the crap in my room up yesterday. I believe I've gotten suprisingly far. People tried to help but i sort of snapped at them like the bitchy control freak i am. I apologize Jessica and Gwen... You know i love you guys <3
I'm at work now and lack work to do. Still need a full time job if anyone knows somewhere hiring. My lip ring's gone now so that's not a problem.
Jessica and I decided to put off London and Dublin until the Spring... we need more time and money...lol jobs. It'll be nice taking another two terms of school also. I love school. And hopefully we'll be getting a place... which will also be nice.
My office is too cold. My tea is too hot. I've got the shakes again. maybe i'll take a walk in a bit... I'm pretty sure it's warm out.
I need to call Miranda. I worry about her keeping the baby.
I also need to hang out with Michelle O. I'm not as worried about her though.
I miss both of them. so much. <3 <3 <3 Where are you girls?
I've also been thinking a lot about spencer. I need to call him and take him to coffee or something. I hear i saw him at the country fair... but don't remember... i miss him.
Oh man... look at all those "I"s
But I suppose that's what lj is for.
Love You Guys,
Kate Jones
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(12 kisses | kiss me
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| RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN!!! |
[08 Jul 2005|03:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
still the libertines stuck in my head |
] |
The weather gods must love me... or the rain just misses me...
but it's finally here and the grin won't come off my face.
I would like it to rain harder and i would like more puddles... if that's not asking too much.
I should be working so i guess i'll get on that... but :D
hehehe
cigarette anyone?
a bit of love,
Kate
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(5 kisses | kiss me
|
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up_too_late's journal
